I don't know what's wrong with me, all day I've been pissed about almost everything so I actually left in the middle of my last class just to go home and just don't be around people. I'm even irritated at my friends that normally are the people who keeps me going.
I have no energy, no motivation whatsoever (despite me going to London and everything) and I really need to study, I can't do this so much longer, it will come back and fuck me around, I know this and still I don't know what to do about it.
My only comfort is smoking and I was suppose to give that up ffs! And I eat bad things even if I shouldn't. I really wanna loose some weight so I try not to eat fucking cookies all the time but it's hard and weirdly enough I rather smoke than eating something sweet. And Amy and Emmy are all about how they have to work out and get thin and it fucks me up even if I don't want to, I mean, they aren't even half as fat as I am. Ok, I know I'm definitely not fat but compared to them I have some more kilos to loose and I fucking hate to work out. I have to find a way to train myself that isn't boring like hell. I'm even thinking about a hint of anorectic living but when I'm hungry I get so angry that you don't even wanna be near me.
I hate everything today and I think that the thing I hate the most is that I hate everything. Fuck it, I'm gonna smoke some more and do nothing useful and go to bed too late. I mean, right now it feels like there really isn't a point with anything.
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