the schedule from hell

H came over yesterday and we hanged out a bit and he stayed over the night. It was really good but sad because we miss each other so much and both feel kind of lonely and still, I know that it wouldn't work out - at least not right now. And I feel bad, not really because I broke up with him, I mean I had to do it, but because in a way he's much more lonely than I am and I don't want him to be. Even if I feel lonely sometime I still have so much things to do in school and I have all these new friends and my family just around the corner. He hasn't and I know that it makes him sad sometimes.

But we had a nice breakfast and sat for a while, drinking coffee and smoking and talking before he went home. It was nice and in a strange way it felt a little bit better. Maybe we comforted each other.

In the afternoon I sat down and made the scehedule from hell. I'll start tomorrow and I'll study like a mf for three weeks and then I can be happy and go on holiday. I had coffe and a smoke and wrote down everyday until the exam and counted my hours in school and then wrote down how many hours I'm gonna be in school and how many hours I'll have to study beside that. From now on it's 9 hours at least 5 days a week, one day completely free from anything evil and one day that I'll maybe just study half the day or something. And the best is that I can delete one day each evening and then I'm gonna be one day closer to my spring-break, my trip to London, the summer, the rest of my life and so on. This feels good.