act sober (or sober act)

I've changed in so many ways the last six months and mostly I feel like it's a good thing but I'm not always sure.

I have partied more during this period than I have in most of my life and sometimes I feel like I have been doing it too much. Of course, it's ok to be kind of decadent as a single (as Karin told me today) but I don't think that's the reason why I do it and lately I've had this feeling that I actually just want to get wasted to get released from everything in my life right now and that scares me. I had some rules and I ignored them and sometimes it feels like I don't know myself anymore and that scares me even more.

So, I made this decision today. I'm not gonna drink anything for at least a month or so. I don't really need it and if I need it, I totally need a break from it. I get too used to it and I don't want that and I can't handle myself. I have to take care and make my life happy without escapes and I have to find myself for real and how could I possibly do that when I'm lost in wasteland?

And for the record, it's not like I drink everyday or even several times a week but I find the way the parties are in school a little bit unpleasant and I find myself getting drunker than I should just because of that (and just to stand them) and I don't want it to accelerate. And then we have LDN but to be honest I don't really see that as a problem, I can leave it like that as long as I'm careful.

And since I'm utterly unhappy right now, booze will definitely not make it better.