maybe I could be yours, maybe you could be mine

I try to keep busy and try to spend time with friends because then I won't have to think about myself and how I feel. Everytime I have time to stand still I just feel sad. I know it's ok and I know it's been worse before and I know it'll be better eventually but it's still so hard.

I'm so sad because I realise that nothing really changes. I am the one I am and no matter how hard I try I'm still a person with a lot of feelings and when the bad ones hit me it's not ok, not at all. It has become easier to cope with and I know myself so much better now but still, why can't it just leave me alone?

I'm also so sad for losing and leaving the love in my life because now it's much harder since I'm all by my own. And I won't find anyone to be with until I'm over H an J and god knows how long that will take. I hate being alone even if some may say that it's good for me. But I don't see the point in spending my days alone when there must be someone out there that wants to share things with me.