I'm in love with myself

I love this sun. Even if it's a bit windy today it's still kind of warm in the sunshine. I drink coffee outside work and smoke menthol cigarettes.

It reminds me a lot about last year when everything was horrible and wonderful at the same time. It reminds me of J and the fact that it was a year ago I met him and he secretly started to fuck me around.

And I think about how it was such a relief to come back to London now without the risk to accidently bump into him. I think I'm more or less over him and the happiness in that feeling is like being in love.

The sad thing is that when I don't feel that much about J anymore I feel kind of stupid for giving it all up for him but still, I also remember how it felt back then and how it was so much in my heart that it'll almost stopped. And I can't believe I misjudged him so much when he turned out to be so freakish. I guess I was naive and somehow I like myself for that.