gone

Just found out that J went back to Brazil and probably will stay there for good. It feels like the end of the world but it's also a really big relief. It's definitely over forever and when he's not in London at all I can go back there and just be myself. He will not be there anymore and the ghost he is in my head will disappear faster when I know that the chance/risk to meet him when I go there is gone.

It feels weird but it's probably the best that could happen.