calm again

For the first time in months I don't feel completely stressed out by school which feels so good. Yesterday was all afternoon in the sun with coffee and cigarettes and my lovely friends. We didn't even had anything to study since we only have had one lecture about nothing and something goatish.

Today it's all the same, I'm in beloved Stockholm, hanging out in Snöret's apartment. I've cleaned a bit and now I drink ice-coffee, smoke and read some *****. Life's back to normal.

gallons of coffee and dead animals

Now I've spent the last three days at "Asis", it's the building in school where we cut up dead animals and learn about practical anatomy. It could have been hell since we have to learn so many things but my friends in class are amazing. I love them so much and they've made it all to a long nice hang-out with a lot of dead animals but also a lot of coffee in the sun, millions of cigarettes and sweet things to eat.

And we all passed the practical exam - we're so fucking good!

latte and relief

I had latte with Shirley today and it was lovely to see her, as always. And, as always, she was a bit heartbroken but this time I think it'll work out fine. It seems like she met someone who's nice and like her and whom she can cope with.

And yesterday I was at the vet-clinic where my friend Caroline works and it was so much fun. I learned a lot and most important, she thaught me how to give injections and how to put a permanent needle into a dog-leg. Fun, fun, fun - I love sticking needles in animals hahaha.

Also, on my way home from the clinic I might have gotten the best news of the spring. I actually passed my big exam in physiology with four points! I'm so happy I don't have to redo it that I don't know what to do. I'm so relieved.

waste of space

I haven't been in my dorm-room for ages but I had to go there yesterday to clean the kitchen and whatever. It feels kind of pointless to do it when you haven't been around but wtf.

Came back tonight though 'cause I'd invited my friend Robert over so he could see the place. We had loads of coffee and cookies and a really good time and he liked what I'd done to the place. The thing is that I really like it too but there's still something that makes me feel like I don't want to be here.

I had spent some days in C's apartment where I lived when I moved to Uppsala and I like it much better there. I don't know if it's the area, the building or maybe just the town that make me feel a little bit uneasy all the time. I'll have to figure it out and change it until after the summer.

I'm in love with myself

I love this sun. Even if it's a bit windy today it's still kind of warm in the sunshine. I drink coffee outside work and smoke menthol cigarettes.

It reminds me a lot about last year when everything was horrible and wonderful at the same time. It reminds me of J and the fact that it was a year ago I met him and he secretly started to fuck me around.

And I think about how it was such a relief to come back to London now without the risk to accidently bump into him. I think I'm more or less over him and the happiness in that feeling is like being in love.

The sad thing is that when I don't feel that much about J anymore I feel kind of stupid for giving it all up for him but still, I also remember how it felt back then and how it was so much in my heart that it'll almost stopped. And I can't believe I misjudged him so much when he turned out to be so freakish. I guess I was naive and somehow I like myself for that.

première in the window

I really hope spring has arrived for good this time. It's so nice that's finally a wee bit warm and that you can enjoy all your coffee outside in the sun.

Today it was the first time we could sit in the sun in the window in Snöret's apartment and have a proper coffee. We smoked and talked and she questioned me about some osteology-stuff I have to learn for school. And we also played our game "you-have-to-choose-somone-to-fuck-that-just-went-off-the-bus" and that can be amazingly fun sometimes.

spring

I sit in the sun with my friends from school and drink after-lunch-coffee. I feared a big come-down when I came home but until now it have been alright. I just have to start up my study-part so that I don't fuck it up again.

I'm so grateful for my friends, they're my only hope in the evil town of Uppsala. And even if I miss London I still feel good sitting here in the sun, talking with my friends and enjoying life.

latte in earl's court

I drink latte all the way if I can, I really like that.

Met up with my sister who's back from Spain just in time for our flight back home. Had some latte and a pizza at a restaurant in Earl's Court and I got the chance to hang out a bit with her date who seem to be really nice. And she had a good time and likes him a lot so I hope it all turns out to the best.

And maybe I've sorted out a place to live this summer. Asked Jessica if I could stay at her place for a while and if we could share her room. I'll only stay for a month or two and it's such an effort to find a place of your own and I really like the apartment she lives in. And it'll give us both a lower rent for a while. If it's just ok with her flatmates I guess it's a deal. Yey!

afternoon tea

The coffee today became afternoon tea instead and we had some home-made cakes and lovely company by some of Jessica's friends. I'd met so many nice people this weekend and most of Jess' friends are for real and sometimes that's hard to find in London between all kisses and smiles.

evening coffee

Jess have this little italian coffepot that makes really good coffee and it's the perfect size for two small cups if you share. Had it after dinner tonight cause I slept all day and just went up for a bit of breakfast. Came home around 8:00 this morning after TT, a good afterparty and a lovely walk of shame in the sun.

Peter played one of my favourites the last thing he did at TT yesterday and it was all this dancing and amazing people and sweet candy. Lovlovelove!

latte@1001

It's really springish here in London and today it was warm and sunny. Drank latte with Remus at 1001 on Brick Lane. He's really nice and kind of different from everyone else I know here (but in a good way).

I just love to be back.

it's just too expensive

Waited to board our flight from Arlanda and had their weak and utterly expensive coffee. My sister had a beer instead since she was kind of nervous to meet her date. Felt good but a bit tense because of the flight and maybe we were both on the same level.

But it all went well. He waited for her at Heathrow and when I'd made sure everything was fine and that he had no intentions to sell her to slavery I hit the underground and went to Jessica's place for some tea and a good nights sleep.

short update, coffee's soon back

Oh, I'm so lost. Have had loads of coffee but no time to write here for ages. Was sick, went out to the Island, skipped school a lot, studied a wee bit, tried my best but I wasn't really in the mood.

Results: kicked ass with the microscope, passed the histology exam but most likely failed my big physiology exam. But to be honest, I really don't deserve to pass it, I know nothing about the physiology of our domestic animals so it would probably be good for me to redo it. Moment of truth: april 10th.

Now I have spring break because it's easter and today I'm working. Tonight it's the Island again and some days of rest and nice time despite the ice age that now have come to the archipelago.

And on wednesday: London again and this time I'm going with my sister who's visiting her Goa-date (and we all hope she's having more luck with London boys than I had). Ohh, and I can't wait to get trashed, meet my friends and dance all night long. It's gonna be amazing!

no coffee

I've been kind of busy lately and now I'm really sick. My stomach hurts like hell, all my joints as well and everytime I try to stand up I get all dizzy and it feels like I'm gonna faint.

That means no coffee today, just loads of water and tea with a lot of dextrose in it (to give me some energy). I've tried to eat a little but my stomach kills me when I put food in it. Maybe I should try a hint of ice cream?

I also feel awful, it's only one and a half week until my histology exam and two weeks to the exam in physiology. I'm sick and can't study since I'm sleeping all the time and I don't wanna be here in the evil U-town and I just feel miserable and wanna cry. I feel so sorry for myself and even if I know that it's not a really big deal I still wanna go away and come back when all is good and my stomach is nice to me.

wending machine coffee

I bought a 5-SEK-plastic-cup-of-coffe in school today and it reminded me so much about the spring two years ago when I took this course in environmental science at the University of Stockholm and met my best sailing-friend, Nina.

The taste of the instant coffee, the feeling of the warm, plastic cup in my hand just switched me back and I remember us sitting in the sun outside school, drinking coffe and smoking. It was a good spring and still I wasn't really happy since I just wanted to go to vet-school instead. Now I'm in vet-school, drinking similar coffee outside school, smoking in the light rain and I'm not happier.

Just a different girl.

lecture latte

I sat in school today and had the first lecture of the week. I drank a quite nice latte I bought in a petrol station on my way to U-town. I wasn't sleepy, I payed attention and it was actually an ok moment and I realised that it was the first time in weeks I actually felt I had some energy in school.

I guess something is going my way. Finally.

the schedule from hell

H came over yesterday and we hanged out a bit and he stayed over the night. It was really good but sad because we miss each other so much and both feel kind of lonely and still, I know that it wouldn't work out - at least not right now. And I feel bad, not really because I broke up with him, I mean I had to do it, but because in a way he's much more lonely than I am and I don't want him to be. Even if I feel lonely sometime I still have so much things to do in school and I have all these new friends and my family just around the corner. He hasn't and I know that it makes him sad sometimes.

But we had a nice breakfast and sat for a while, drinking coffee and smoking and talking before he went home. It was nice and in a strange way it felt a little bit better. Maybe we comforted each other.

In the afternoon I sat down and made the scehedule from hell. I'll start tomorrow and I'll study like a mf for three weeks and then I can be happy and go on holiday. I had coffe and a smoke and wrote down everyday until the exam and counted my hours in school and then wrote down how many hours I'm gonna be in school and how many hours I'll have to study beside that. From now on it's 9 hours at least 5 days a week, one day completely free from anything evil and one day that I'll maybe just study half the day or something. And the best is that I can delete one day each evening and then I'm gonna be one day closer to my spring-break, my trip to London, the summer, the rest of my life and so on. This feels good.

home-made lattes

Me and Snöret made our own lattes today and sprinkled them with amaretto. Then we had a long talk about my life right now and the fact that I feel so unmotivated and in some ways fell back in the J-hole when he made a move.

I'm angry with him now but in a more normal way since I'm not particulary in love with him anymore and I feel like I eventually will see him as just another person that have been in my life. Maybe I'll even be able to meet him and just have a normal relation to him, like he's anyone but I think I have to be careful, right now I'm not sure that I could resist him and maybe I would just fall again. And I really don't wanna do that, it would totally not be worth it.

I feel a little bit better now. I called in sick today - it feels like my cold never wanna leave me - and have spent the day just chilling and talking to Snöret. Now she's going to the snail-nest for some sugarcubes and I'll start to study. I just have to do it and I don't think I ever will feel like it so I better just start and get it over with. And I really would be happy if I could pass the exams before spring-break, I think a lot of things will be better after that.

latte in the window

Forgot my bag in U-town which meant that I unfooortunately couldn't study at all today so I had latte with Snöret instead. We're at a new place called Lola's and it was ok latte, nice pasta and an amazing window to sit in.

Outside it was sunny but really windy and we sat there in the window, looked out at the people walking by and planned to go to New York. I really hope we could make it and now we got the official invitation from our friend Rodger and with a good financial plan which literally means I have to live on pasta the rest of the spring I could make it. Especially since I wanna stay the rest of the summer in London after the trip to New York. But it would be so much fun that I think it's worth it.

tea on the balcony

Today I wanna highlight the cup of tea I drank just before I went to bed. I had an ok day that became shit when I came home. I just couldn't do anything. Not study or whatever, I just sat in my room and cried, tried to sleep a bit and wondered what to do. Decided to go back to Stockholm and skip my class tomorrow so I packed my things and left.

It felt so good to leave the evil U-town and on the train I felt exhausted but at least I didn't cry anymore. Went home to my brother and his girlfriend and had tea and sandwiches with him and my mum. It was really nice to have some quality-time with the family even if we missed dad who's in the hospital waiting for his operation (he have had some trouble with his carotis communis dx).

My bro showed me this user-friendly music-program called Live and I got some inspiration to do my own murmur-electro. Before we went to bed we sat on the balcony and drank the last tea and smoked and it's a really nice view over the neighbourhood there.

Sometimes I really miss that apartment, we had a really good time living there together.